WOMEN OF THE WORLD: TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
and drink a big glass of wine.
and freaking pat yourself on the back.
Seriously.
I am soooo tired watching the awesome women I know beat themselves up over not "meeting up" to some sick, unrealistic standard society has set for us....
Not a size 2 eh?
Don't have a perfectly clean house?
Put your career in the back seat for your family?
Didn't put your career in the back seat?
Didn't want kids?
Have them and now wonder if you really want them?
Hate being a hostess or cooking?
Wouldn't know fashion if it smacked you in the head?
Sometimes feel like smacking your partner/kids/pets/self?
Guess what....
WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE!
I have wasted so much time feeling guilt over choices I have made that I am done doing it.
I also realized that I am probably not the only one...
So why not spent that minute instead focusing on what is going well?
You have breath.
You live in a place where you can take control of your life...don't like something? change it!
You have adorable kids/pugs/partner/houseplant/friends/self/whatever who would rather just sit with you than do anything else......
YOU CAN'T BUY THAT SHIT.
I think the first step is to start trusting in the sisterhood and give each other a freaking break. No more judging, and no more hiding. We all got crap. OWN IT and ask for help, a hand or a drink.
At the end of the day beating yourself up & wishing for at least 8 more hours each day ain't gonna help. What will help is to start realizing how unrealistic it all is and give society a big middle finger.
To Owning what we got and appreciating it!
Lacy
Wanderlust.
I have a travelers soul. I have tried to deny it but it has always been there...present. At the age of 13 I announced to my family that I was going to Chile for a month for a missions trip. I had made up my mind and my parents being wise beyond their years realized that this was something I had to do. I went (with my father/body guard always present...ha) and from there on I knew what I was to do.
Travel.
Help.
Love.
I have had countless more trips to various 3rd world places that while the whole "mission" part significantly decreased my ability to help in other ways has significantly increased. Every trip abroad has lead to life-long friends (love facebook for that), memories and lessons about myself that has helped me become strong and independent.
My last major trip was almost 3 years ago to work for a month in a non-profit in Ghana which helped support refugees. This trip was different, it was my trip to prove to myself that I could do anything...even if that meant planning a trip half way around the world alone, showing up to do a job I knew nothing about and having no one within a 13 hour plane ride that could come safe/protect/help me if I needed it.
Seriously.
It was hard. It was amazing. It was everything.
Though as we get older and have bills, jobs, dogs, laundry, family requirements, etc taking off for 1-3 months at a time gets hard.
In another lifetime if I had never met the most obnoxious, self driven, computer nerd who also has a nice ass I would be out in the field working with traumatized kids or helping create structures/systems for individuals who have a disability in developing countries. I do not need water, a toilet or even food to nourish my soul. I need life. I need to be reminded of the resiliency of people and how lucky we are to get one more smile, one more day, one more breath.
My beau does not have the same calling. He has not been exposed to sewer lines outside your window or bugs the size of your hand, he enjoys having 2 ac units on as we speak (...so do i....i will admit) and the thought of not having a shower everyday for his very structured self is unthinkable.
Though he sees my need. my longing.
He sees my soul.
Because of this he has agreed to venture out of his comfort zone and while we are not going as far out as I would usually it is enough for me. More then enough actually.
We head to Northern Vietnam on 11.11.11 for roughly 16 days and he has left all the planning to me so right now there is an overnight train ride, maybe a home-stay or two, a 8 mile hike into a village where one of the hotels we are staying at helps support to tour their school....I am going to hopefully convince B to adopt a water buffalo there as well...ha. Also scheduling a tour with some local college students where hopefully we will see what supports they have for individuals who had disabilities...I am going to get as off the beaten bath as we can while still guaranteeing a shower and running water..(please note the lack of the word hot...oh man...).
It is crazy what feeds our soul...and as I get older I can recognize what is the difference between 'need' and added bonus and this trip is most def. 'need'. I don't know if I am getting more selfish as I age but maybe I can just cherish it more? can realize how quickly it could all end? I have to dwell on this more and will let you know.
So instead of doing laundry, preparing for an hour long speech I have to give at the end of the month (what?!?!? shit..), cleaning up my dinner mess (hello cereal bowl..), or washing the dogs I am creating a to-do list for our trip, tripadvisor is my new best friend and also looking for a house sitter...(srsly...hook a sister up).
Lacy
Travel.
Help.
Love.
I have had countless more trips to various 3rd world places that while the whole "mission" part significantly decreased my ability to help in other ways has significantly increased. Every trip abroad has lead to life-long friends (love facebook for that), memories and lessons about myself that has helped me become strong and independent.
My last major trip was almost 3 years ago to work for a month in a non-profit in Ghana which helped support refugees. This trip was different, it was my trip to prove to myself that I could do anything...even if that meant planning a trip half way around the world alone, showing up to do a job I knew nothing about and having no one within a 13 hour plane ride that could come safe/protect/help me if I needed it.
Seriously.
It was hard. It was amazing. It was everything.
Though as we get older and have bills, jobs, dogs, laundry, family requirements, etc taking off for 1-3 months at a time gets hard.
In another lifetime if I had never met the most obnoxious, self driven, computer nerd who also has a nice ass I would be out in the field working with traumatized kids or helping create structures/systems for individuals who have a disability in developing countries. I do not need water, a toilet or even food to nourish my soul. I need life. I need to be reminded of the resiliency of people and how lucky we are to get one more smile, one more day, one more breath.
My beau does not have the same calling. He has not been exposed to sewer lines outside your window or bugs the size of your hand, he enjoys having 2 ac units on as we speak (...so do i....i will admit) and the thought of not having a shower everyday for his very structured self is unthinkable.
Though he sees my need. my longing.
He sees my soul.
Because of this he has agreed to venture out of his comfort zone and while we are not going as far out as I would usually it is enough for me. More then enough actually.
We head to Northern Vietnam on 11.11.11 for roughly 16 days and he has left all the planning to me so right now there is an overnight train ride, maybe a home-stay or two, a 8 mile hike into a village where one of the hotels we are staying at helps support to tour their school....I am going to hopefully convince B to adopt a water buffalo there as well...ha. Also scheduling a tour with some local college students where hopefully we will see what supports they have for individuals who had disabilities...I am going to get as off the beaten bath as we can while still guaranteeing a shower and running water..(please note the lack of the word hot...oh man...).
It is crazy what feeds our soul...and as I get older I can recognize what is the difference between 'need' and added bonus and this trip is most def. 'need'. I don't know if I am getting more selfish as I age but maybe I can just cherish it more? can realize how quickly it could all end? I have to dwell on this more and will let you know.
So instead of doing laundry, preparing for an hour long speech I have to give at the end of the month (what?!?!? shit..), cleaning up my dinner mess (hello cereal bowl..), or washing the dogs I am creating a to-do list for our trip, tripadvisor is my new best friend and also looking for a house sitter...(srsly...hook a sister up).
Lacy
Why hello There....
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| oh boating..and bum man scruff..what you do to my heart... |
The house is a hot mess. The yard is dead, my garden is on self-monitor mode, my neighbors are probably pissed by our constant crap fess that is summer fun gear in random areas of our front yard & yet I wouldn't change a thing.
I do feel exhausted from all this life though and while I am trying to learn that this is the time to give it 110%, to work until you can fall asleep within 5 minutes of your head touching the pillow, my feet, back & netflix account are suffering.
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| one day of harvest from 2 plants...maybe late is better? |
It Centers Me.
Connects me to a wonderful heritage of kick ass woman who broke their backs working away with sweat dripping into their eyes (or in my case with 2nd degree burns from the freaking boiling water) because of the love they had for their families.
It gives me pride.
It gives me power.
I have also taught some of my friends and that is a whole 'nother level of awesome.
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| 50 pounds down..50 to go..next up tomato jam, paste & ketchup |
All of this from spaghetti sauce.
Seriously.
I know. Pretty Epic.
I shall try to blog a bit more..have lots rattling in my mind some comes from nervousness with this whole economy/country is in the shitter talk and some of it just from a growing sense of skills/confidence/adventure..but seriously my body can feel the darkness coming and I am going to do my damnest to outrun it until the very end.
And then I shall savor that too.
Lacy
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| Oh and I am taking the dogs with me... |
While you were gone...
B. Jones "So when you were gone on your lady date I had to use a blow torch on a spider"
Me: "What?!!"
B. Jones: "Yeah it was this huge ass spider on the wall so I had to get the blow-torch to kill the evil thing...I blame you"
Me: "What?! Why?"
B. Jones: "You left me alone. Crazy shit happens when you leave me alone...well and when you are here too".
Me: "Cowboys vs. Aliens was worth the risk of you burning the house down. IT WAS EPIC".
(Please note: blow torch was like a super bitty one I got to light the expensive tall candles I occasionally get so as I can get ever last light out of it)
Me: "What?!!"
B. Jones: "Yeah it was this huge ass spider on the wall so I had to get the blow-torch to kill the evil thing...I blame you"
Me: "What?! Why?"
B. Jones: "You left me alone. Crazy shit happens when you leave me alone...well and when you are here too".
Me: "Cowboys vs. Aliens was worth the risk of you burning the house down. IT WAS EPIC".
(Please note: blow torch was like a super bitty one I got to light the expensive tall candles I occasionally get so as I can get ever last light out of it)
Favorite Thing About Zucchini...
Garbage.
After two weeks of processed shit entering my body in form of "food" I have had enough...I woke up this morning feeling like garbage and spent the previous day with no energy or motivation....I have had enough...sure the jello shots, cupcakes and Nacho Cheese Dorito's were tasty but my body was done with it all... So I started the morning off with some just picked peas and a sliced up cucumber....both homegrown! Added in a cup of locally roasted coffee and real cream...not the coffee creamer crap that I grew up with and love...
For lunch I made some rice, beans & mixed in organic cilantro...with some organic & bpa free tomato paste & cumin for flavor. simple but delicious and took less time then hitting up taco bell...
And for dinner we had breakfast... We dined on homegrown eggs mixed with just picked garlic & hot peppers & some minced up basil (all from our garden!) with some store bought (still local) Chevre thrown on top...wish I could convince the beau that we need..seriously need...a goat...one day..le sigh. We ate that with some delicious ham steaks from our 1/2 pig we bought from Taylor Made Farms.....and guess what?!!? Just in one day I feel my focus coming back (even accomplished some work..ha), I don't feel sluggish or like just vegging in front of the tv. More importantly the pride I feel feeding the love of my life (and myself of course) food that I planted from seed is freaking awesome. Can't buy that feeling.
Sorry Nacho Cheese & frosting you just ain't cutting it for me anymore...
For lunch I made some rice, beans & mixed in organic cilantro...with some organic & bpa free tomato paste & cumin for flavor. simple but delicious and took less time then hitting up taco bell...
And for dinner we had breakfast... We dined on homegrown eggs mixed with just picked garlic & hot peppers & some minced up basil (all from our garden!) with some store bought (still local) Chevre thrown on top...wish I could convince the beau that we need..seriously need...a goat...one day..le sigh. We ate that with some delicious ham steaks from our 1/2 pig we bought from Taylor Made Farms.....and guess what?!!? Just in one day I feel my focus coming back (even accomplished some work..ha), I don't feel sluggish or like just vegging in front of the tv. More importantly the pride I feel feeding the love of my life (and myself of course) food that I planted from seed is freaking awesome. Can't buy that feeling.
Sorry Nacho Cheese & frosting you just ain't cutting it for me anymore...
Cherries & Life.
Today was the funeral of a friend's son whom passed this past week. I had known her son and will miss him greatly but even harder for me is to see my good friend in such pain and heartache. I wish I could comfort her and make it all go away but there are not words to heal right now or enough hugs to erase the pain she is feeling...only time and constant love for quite a while will dull it and while I am sure she will always miss and grieve her hilarious, loving, caring, witty son until eternity I was left today with a sense of powerlessness and grief. Grief makes you realize how fleeting life is, how precious and sacred. How each day is truly a gift and each day we spend with a loved one is an even better. When death is present all the pity shit just fades into the background...all the fights over laundry, the stress of day-to-day life, etc just don't matter. at. all.
Grief is such a horrible emotion because there is nothing you can do. I just kept wanting to do something.....anything.....I had all these feelings of thankfulness, and sadness and really didn't know how to cope and handle this influx of emotions...
So I preserved.
There is something about creating and following steps I know my great grandmothers followed, and millions of other woman before me have sorted their emotions standing, and sweating, over their stoves creating something for their families & loved ones..something they will pull out during the middle of cold, wet, black winter to remind them of the sun, warmth and fruit that will come. There is nothing complex about it. There is history, order, and love in preserving. It doesn't have to be fancy, or hip just shove fruit, sugar and pectin in a jar. done. It is unlike life...you get to know the outcome, there is no grey areas and doesn't require tough phone calls or moments of tears...well unless you are like me and burn the shit out of your finger...
So tonight I celebrated my friend by recalling his amazing wit, I processed his funeral that had people in both tears and laughter and connected with all the strength of past female souls' who have overcome much and focused on what is important: capturing the moment, taking a beautiful fruit at its peak and will use it this winter so when I can no longer see the tan on my skin, am having a hard time even recalling how the sun felt on my skin to remember that no matter how dark it seems there is hope and salvation in the future.
Made: Maraschino Cherries
and with the leftover juice I adapted this: Cherry Almond Jelly
Hug those around you fiercely and make sure they know you love them.
Lacy
Grief is such a horrible emotion because there is nothing you can do. I just kept wanting to do something.....anything.....I had all these feelings of thankfulness, and sadness and really didn't know how to cope and handle this influx of emotions...
So I preserved.
There is something about creating and following steps I know my great grandmothers followed, and millions of other woman before me have sorted their emotions standing, and sweating, over their stoves creating something for their families & loved ones..something they will pull out during the middle of cold, wet, black winter to remind them of the sun, warmth and fruit that will come. There is nothing complex about it. There is history, order, and love in preserving. It doesn't have to be fancy, or hip just shove fruit, sugar and pectin in a jar. done. It is unlike life...you get to know the outcome, there is no grey areas and doesn't require tough phone calls or moments of tears...well unless you are like me and burn the shit out of your finger...
So tonight I celebrated my friend by recalling his amazing wit, I processed his funeral that had people in both tears and laughter and connected with all the strength of past female souls' who have overcome much and focused on what is important: capturing the moment, taking a beautiful fruit at its peak and will use it this winter so when I can no longer see the tan on my skin, am having a hard time even recalling how the sun felt on my skin to remember that no matter how dark it seems there is hope and salvation in the future.
Made: Maraschino Cherries
and with the leftover juice I adapted this: Cherry Almond Jelly
Hug those around you fiercely and make sure they know you love them.
Lacy
