Reproducing: Our experience so far.

I don't even know how to start this post...I needed a place to convey a much longer message then FB would allow and this seemed the best medium.

B & I are excited to announce that we are expecting a little jo-oper to join us around April of 2015! 

While this is an extremely exciting time for us this road to reproducing has been painful and well super shitty for most of it.  This week celebrates the 7th year I have been partnered with a wonderful man and it also signifies the due date of our first that we lost.  Many of you are probably not aware that we had a miscarriage.  It was something I did not know how to talk about and decided it was better to just move on and "forget" about it. This past year has been full of a lot of experiences where we "learned" that the world is not fair, karma can be total garbage and really so many things are out of our control and our miscarriage felt like one more thing to add to that shit pile.  It really makes you start to question why you work so hard, what motivates you to do what you do and honesty it is safer to stop caring completely because we learned that everything you hold sacred can be ripped away from you--if that is your home, safety, or even your hopes/dreams.  We just kind of went into zombie mode..do the day to day stuff but no talking about the future or even functioning above what is required to survive.

When we learned we were expecting again we were stunned and while I would love to state it was a joyous moment it really was one where we wondered if we could even do it..if we had enough to go through this again and I had my doubts.  I am a person who needs some control and pregnancy is something where you have none.  You are forced to stay in that place of just accepting the current moment.  I do not do this well! I am constantly looking for ways to fix something/to improve/to do and well besides the typical stuff there are still no guarantees.  There is no 100%. I am learning to accept that, though, I am far from perfect. We are so blessed to have family to talk to, doctors who give us their cell #'s "just to talk if you need to" and so so so many people who love and bless us with their friendship.  We started to work hard at focusing on the positives and well we realized we are very very lucky to have MANY awesome people in our lives who accept and love us just as we are.  This is something money cannot buy and is our true reward.  

It is with excitement and anxiety that we own our pregnancy as of this date and with lots of hope set our site on April.  We are trying to accept the words from our doctor that we are "extremely low risk" as of this point.  Clearly we have no idea what we are doing or what the future holds so any and all advice or tips are appreciated and any prayers/positive thoughts/chants/energy sent our way we thank you for in advance.  Truly.

I will also state that being transparent about all this felt very necessary for both of us.  1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. This also does not even begin to address those people who cope with infertility.  We want to be a part of the movement of ending the silence and the shame. I know that there are people in our life who have struggled or are struggling right now.  It can be so freaking isolating and painful and I wanted to make sure that when you saw our announcement you would also know that our hearts are with you and that we are a safe space to cry/vent/curse/distract.  If you need us to add you to a no-baby info fb list please just let us know.

We hope that by ending our silence about our journey so far as well as letting our bigger world know our current "secret" it will only continue to help us grow/heal and connect closer to you all.

Much love!

B & L and the little nugget.