I have been dealing with a lot of validation issues recently....It seems that in most areas of my life I am looking to be validated in different ways...with different measurements. And while the past few weeks has lead me to lamenting that I am not special/worthy/talented/appreciated because these measurements have not been promising, have not been to my standard.
The problem with this path is that you start to compare yourself to others, your life, your outcomes, your relationships, your future....and guess what?
It never measures up.
Because the people you are comparing yourself to are an image/a smoke screen: sometimes created on purpose and sometimes the image is fractured by ourselves to fit our needs. There is no happy ending for this path, it is full of bumps and a downhill slope. Yup life ain't fair and some people honestly do have parts of their life that is probably better then your own.
But then today.
today.
someone shook me up.
they reminded me that I am in charge.
I am the one creating the measurements.
The one in charge of the comparisons.
All I have to do change what I am comparing myself to.
How I measure being validated.
Money, Success, Fancy things are easy.
Happiness, Fulfillment, Joy, Love, Respect are the real measurements of a life.
shit breaks. shit gets old.
self-respect, self-pride can't be bought.
I am going to try to hold onto this lesson.
Turn that frown...
So I am in a piss poor mood...and the worst of it is I am totally to blame...which makes me in an even worse mood! I feel kind of ridiculous complaining and I completely realize that in the scheme of the world my problems are not much BUT seriously....
I might of stopped cleaning my house a couple of months ago...I mean I would pick up stuff and shove things places and what not but actually cleaning just went out the door and now as I feel this "must clean" energy pushing through me I am not only overwhelmed but wanting to just take a match and burn the whole place as that would be easier then actually getting all the scum off the ridiculously small subway tile ish walk in shower we have....SERIOUSLY. As I was scrubbing each little square one by one until my arms ached I kept trying to change the old mind frame, here is some thoughts:
--Look at me working out and cleaning at the same time....isn't that great!! (note: the only thing I hate more then cleaning is working out so this was not effective)...
--Isn't it nice to do something where I can actually see my progress for once! (note: as I looked over and saw 40000000 more tiles to scrub individually this mantra was replaced by a four letter word that rhymes with duck..)
--Aren't I lucky to even have a shower?? (as I contemplated how horrible just having a hose outside would actually be...I mean honestly that might be refreshing..right??)
As I slowly but surely cleaned my 5 x 5 bathroom for over an hour and started to see the light at the end of the tunnel I had to leave to get the mop....this is when I realized that I had another 1200 square feet (thank god it isn't 2000 sq.) (<---oh look at that positive reframe! sweet jesus slowly but surely.) I just about had a freaking melt down.
The worst is that I have no one else to point the finger, to yell at, etc...except myself. SOOOO in all things learning and not giving up I have now vowed to spend 15 minutes a day cleaning, not picking stuff up, not shoving things in closets and closing the door quickly, etc...but actual mop/vinegar/sponge/dusting floor boards cleaning.
I shall report back if this makes things easier or more manageable.
Anyone have cleaning tips? Or how to keep a house clean?
Wish me luck.
Lacy
I might of stopped cleaning my house a couple of months ago...I mean I would pick up stuff and shove things places and what not but actually cleaning just went out the door and now as I feel this "must clean" energy pushing through me I am not only overwhelmed but wanting to just take a match and burn the whole place as that would be easier then actually getting all the scum off the ridiculously small subway tile ish walk in shower we have....SERIOUSLY. As I was scrubbing each little square one by one until my arms ached I kept trying to change the old mind frame, here is some thoughts:
--Look at me working out and cleaning at the same time....isn't that great!! (note: the only thing I hate more then cleaning is working out so this was not effective)...
--Isn't it nice to do something where I can actually see my progress for once! (note: as I looked over and saw 40000000 more tiles to scrub individually this mantra was replaced by a four letter word that rhymes with duck..)
--Aren't I lucky to even have a shower?? (as I contemplated how horrible just having a hose outside would actually be...I mean honestly that might be refreshing..right??)
As I slowly but surely cleaned my 5 x 5 bathroom for over an hour and started to see the light at the end of the tunnel I had to leave to get the mop....this is when I realized that I had another 1200 square feet (thank god it isn't 2000 sq.) (<---oh look at that positive reframe! sweet jesus slowly but surely.) I just about had a freaking melt down.
The worst is that I have no one else to point the finger, to yell at, etc...except myself. SOOOO in all things learning and not giving up I have now vowed to spend 15 minutes a day cleaning, not picking stuff up, not shoving things in closets and closing the door quickly, etc...but actual mop/vinegar/sponge/dusting floor boards cleaning.
I shall report back if this makes things easier or more manageable.
Anyone have cleaning tips? Or how to keep a house clean?
Wish me luck.
Lacy
What I Know...
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*The smell of babies & puppies is pretty much the best smell in the whole world.
*Surrounding yourself with people who are always willing to go on adventures is what life is all about.
*Men are great but there is NOTHING like some kick ass, confident, will tell you how it is even if you don't want to hear it, lady friends (also when they just let you cry and threaten to beat the bastard that too is nice)
*There will always be dishes in the sink.
*The St. Johns Bridge makes me want to grab life and hug it because I am so blessed to see such an amazing thing everyday.
*My house will never be clean.
*I can't raise a garden by seeds.
*Staying in bed an extra five minutes to cuddle with your loved one is worth rushing to work.
*A cat is a necessity.
*Me and Dolly Parton would be best friends in real life.
*I will never be described as a quiet person.
*Ab Fab makes me giddy.
*Hate never heals.
*My Christmas Cactus blooming is a hello/hug from my Grandma Freeman.
*Sometimes a girl just is in a piss poor mood and thats okay.
*Email will wait.
*Life will not.
*Red Rooster Sauce makes everything a little bit better...(so does Butter).
