Community. Its a long road.

Ghost Kitten!

Halloween is one of my favorite nights of the year.  I blame it on my mother who not only helped us create some awesome costumes over the years (when I was five I wanted to be a roller-skating waitress, even though I couldn't roller-skate and we lived by a bunch of hills, she dragged me up those hills even though it was freezing and raining), and she always went above and beyond decorating the house.  She created wonder and excitement for pretty much every holiday and it is infectious, even to this day.  It was always so exciting getting the holiday decorations out of the crawl space and opening them up after a year of being plunged into the unconscious.  Rediscovering those purchases bought for 80% off at Joann's after the last Halloween and looking around and feeling that sense of imagination/spookiness/love come to life by the placement of a few knickknacks and battery operated spiders. 

This is something I now love to do at our house.  Hell I did it before but now with a basement full of space I can expand my collection of goods (much to the horror of B.Jones).  I love taking the time to do it slowly, thoughtfully, taking each piece and placing it just so.  Hearing the kids catch my enthusiasm as they walk to school, with it I am taken back to being 6 and getting back with my loot and dumping it all out on the floor so my dad could "inspect" it (aka take a couple of the choice pieces) before my sister and I would have an hour long trading session with intense negotiations for various pieces of treasured sweets.  Handing out candy & glow sticks this year (which turned out to be a success!) was really fun because our street is super busy.  I love seeing the kids feel excited, scared, happy, nervous...the youngers clutching to their siblings while the olders brave ahead .....with no electronics tied to them or what not.  Kids were like this 50 years ago and they are still like this.

It is so fleeting and so beautiful.

This year was even more special because for the first year ever I had people trick-or-treat at my house who I actually knew!  Children who I had hugged, pinched and played with arrived in a variety of costumes.  New friends & neighbors dropped by to "help" me by bringing their extra candy (will be hitting the gym HARD tomorrow)...oy....it is a milestone for us.....this community we are creating, even though slow on the uptake it is being formed.  This is a space we haven't been before, one I wished for and worried would never come.  A place where I know my neighbors stories, struggles & successes.  Hell before this year I didn't even know their children's names!  That we now have shared adventures, and dog pettings makes it even that much sweeter this night of laughter & magic.

We are not all there yet.  This community is not complete but at least I realized it is starting.  It is worth the journey and even better because of it.

My love.

Soooooo somewhere around now makes 4 years ago that I met my Beau.  We don't have an official start date as I, being a smart woman, didn't actually let him know where I lived until I was sure he wasn't gonna kill me and he states he knew from the first date that he was gonna stick around until I got rid of him.....but anyhoo......

There is sooo sooo many things I love and appreciate about him.  He takes the whole world's pressures and shoulders it without complaint. he believes in me even when I am too scared to do so. he constantly surprises me with his thoughts/ideas/knowledge. he accepts me for who I am, though isn't afraid of a little bit of a nudge to "help" me to grow. he, who is super rational, tolerates my totally un-rational middle of the night "just want to talk" sessions where I ugly cry the whole time. He is a planner and methodical to my "lets just try this" attitude...He doesn't do anything for thanks and can not understand why others do.  He worries about our future children being teenagers and thanks me for reheating leftovers.  He tries to understand all my grey even though he can only see in black and white.

Every morning that I wake up and see his sleeping wrinkly man face I feel beyond blessed and I am thankful that he has chosen to spend the last 4 years of mornings with me.  He is not perfect this man of mine but that is the beauty of life. of love.

I know he will never read this and would hate it if he did but sometimes we must stop and be thankful.  Thankful for the space we have created through hard work, dedication and love.

love u b. 

Sauce. Tomato Style.

Dudes.

I am a canning fool this year (key word: fool).  For some reason I feel this stress/anxiety about summer running away from me...just outside of my outstretched fingers and because of that I feel this intense need, not desire, to save as much of it as possible...soo because my beau has forbid me from faken-baken (which is fine as I already am worried about wrinkles AND have discovered the awesomeness that is spray tan) I decided to buy another 40 pounds of tomatoes and get my sauce on. Earlier this year I was able to can some stewed tomatoes and freeze some roasted but this is my actual first attempt at making sauce.

I followed this recipe: Family Secret Tomato Sauce as everyone and their mom recommended it.

I pretty much followed the directions step by step except I only had a food mill so I decided to cook the tomatoes down a bit so I could run them through it instead of boiling and peeling the skin off which is a super big pain...I did this one night and ended up with about 16 quarts of liquid, which meant I adapted the recipe to 1.5

I just cut them all up, tossed any gross bits & cooked until soft. 

So with this method you need a LOT of bowls...or less tomatoes...

After I got all the tomatoes milled down I went to bed for the night....

The next day I added the onions (which I cooked in another pot) and spices. 

Make sure you have a long enough spoon to reach the bottom of the pan...

just starting to cook down...

I used some home dried basil (ripped out plant in yard and hung upside down in the garage for a couple of weeks). I also added a couple of tablespoons of chili
flakes.  This sauce is very smooth and if you like it a bit chunkier I would recommend going the whole "boil and peel" method.
Also make sure to leave the lid on a slant so steam can escape.



 I also took all the scraps and made this recipe: Homemade BBQ Sauce

I cooked both down for a few hours until I liked what I saw.  I also used my immersion blender (the best appliance EVER..seriously..) to make the BBQ sauce a bit more uniform/smooth in its appearance.  I added Molasses, cayenne and  apple cider vinegar and the taste is great!  Tangy with a bit of the smoke flavor...I used some brown sugar as well because I didn't have enough molasses.



So for future note next time I will cook the spaghetti sauce in two big pots as it took ffoooorrreeevvvveeeerrrr to cook down (seriously had flash backs to college and "cramming" for tests...and by "cramming" I mean giggling like a school girl while live-journeling all my angst away).  Also I made mine a bit thinner then most might as I realized that while the tomatoes cook down the spices (::ahem::: chile flakes) do not...Spicy!!! Though the Mister is very excited about this I wanted to make sure to be able to spoon in some paste to "cool" it down a bit (noted for next year...)

The "bbq sauce" really might of been a bust as my "leftovers" were really just seeds and skins and so it has a very unique taste....the seeds pop when you eat it and it is a pretty intense (and fresh) tomato taste... I can see it as a cracker spread or on a chicken breast sandwich.  I will let you know how it goes..

To break down I spent 16.00 a box for the tomatoes, 40 pounds = 2 boxes & I had everything else....though I suppose the lids are about $3 bucks a pack and the lemon juice I used was probably around $1.50:

32.00+3+1.50= $36.50 for supplies which made 9.5 Quarts which equals roughly $4 when I add in honey/spices a jar, each which easily equal 4 meals for us.

This does not include the pints I made of the other recipe either so all in all I am pretty happy.

Some of the lovely sauce sitting on a HUGE ass towel!  

an alive canners best friend!

Some Tips:
I am NOT a master canner and honestly there are MUCH better sites to look to for tutorials BUT I have learned some tips I thought I would share :)

-Store your unused jars upside down, much less dust & chance of spiders in them when you go to use them.

-Always set your just hot jars down on a towel..I had seen my Grandmothers do this but never knew why until I learned it is because the cold counter surface can cause the very hot glass to shatter!  Which I learned  when I went to add my straight from the fridge lemon juice to the hot, sterilized jar......super sadly didn't realize that cracking noise I heard was from the jar until I went to lift it up and had spaghetti sauce EVERYWHERE.  So use a towel!

-Ove-Glove doesn't work when it gets wet....


-always always always use the store bought lemon juice when canning tomatoes!  I hate store bought stuff but hate dying even more!  Don't risk it.

-Don't start the processing time until the water starts reboiling!  (see comment about dying above..)

"Healthy" Cookies..They do exist..sorta...

So had some really ripe bananas and first thought was to make banana bread but try as I might any healthy version I make tastes well...crappy...seriously...you need the butter/oil/amazingness to make it banana bread so when I saw a recipe for "no-sugar" cookies I thought yes! healthy and delicious can exist together and in my stomach!  I adapted it slightly so here it is: 


3 large, ripe bananas, well mashed (about 1 1/2 cups)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup coconut oil, warmish so it is actually a liquid
2 cups rolled oats
2/3 cup ground flaxseed (used my coffee grinder and used Golden Flaxseeds) 
1/3 cup coconut, finely shredded & unsweetened
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt (I used some non fine salt here because well I live by the concept go big or go home)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 chocolate chips (dark chocolate would be the business here)


Mix together the bananas, vanilla & Oil in one bowl. 


Mix everything else, except chocolate, in another bowl.


Mix both bowls together. 


Throw in chocolate and you guessed it: Mix! 


I baked mine at 325 degrees using CONVECTION bake.  Though the original recipe states 350 on "bake"...do what you deem necessary.


Also she cooked hers on parchment paper I just used some coconut oil on my pans and they didn't stick.  


Then bake for anywhere from 12-15 minutes.  You want to bake as long as you can before they burn on the bottom.  


Here is some tips: 
--These cookies are very loose when you make them...its okay :) I made more like mountains then cookies...
--The original recipe stated it makes 3 dozen tiny cookies...I don't do tiny cookies so I made exactly 2 dozen.   IF you also make 2 dozen that are more mountain shaped then make sure to "flatten" the cookies about 6 minutes in to the cooking time as they don't spread like "normal" cookies...this way they actually get cooked all the way through and not just crisped on top. It doesn't make as pretty as a cookie but it saves you 15 minutes of your life...
--These could easily work for many food allergies!  They could be vegan, sugar free, Gluten free and whatever else you need which is great :) 


My Verdict: These are not cookies exactly, at least in my book......  I cooked mine for as long as possible and yet they are pretty soft....maybe because I made them bigger? They are still warm so they might firm up....I will update.  Though honestly they are pretty freaking good and will be consumed pretty quickly in the JO-oper Household.  I also think that they would be amazing with dark chocolate and wish I had done that.  


Lacy 

PS I suck at photography.  Please don't judge these cookies by my lack of skills....srsly.....
PSS That I get anything done with such cuteness surrounding me is pretty freaking amazing....

Rants & Raves

We don't have cable, like none at all so I don't get the pleasure of watching DWTS so I was not able to see the participants (is that what they are even called??!!?) I would like to say:

BRAV-FREAKIN-O

to not only the show and network for having openly gay stars but also to Chaz Bono.  If anyone doubts his balls after this...SERIOUSLY.

Here is where I am gonna be honest again.

Ready?

Up until 2 years ago I had no idea what transgendered was or how it impacted people in our society...I fumbled with my words, didn't know the correct terminology, was too scared to ask questions so on the whole I just ignored the subject and sadly the people impacted as well.

Thankfully I started a business with an awesome friend who made me feel ok to admit my limited knowledge, that fostered a relationship with me that made me feel like it was okay to ask questions, hell she even taught me how to ask them appropriately!  I also was lucky enough to attend a training/tabling at the Q-Center where they took all of us professionals aside and had a panel of individuals who identified as being trans-gendered where they not only educated us but also made it a safe space to ask our questions, that had enough guts to share their struggles and very intimate details of their lives in hopes that as a medical community we might treat their upcoming brethren a little bit better.

So I asked.

I learned about the huge financial ramifications, the health risks, the discrimination they receive, how hard it is to find a job, how scared they can be to tell their families/etc/etc/etc/etc....and then there is dating~~ Oy!

I also learned of a VAST research field that shows that children as young as 4 have identified as gender questioning (hello Shilo...no worries question all you want) and that it is present in pretty much every society in the world and there is tons of references in our early history of gender-less/gender-bending individuals.

I  heard how individuals just wanted to live a genuine life.  To feel comfortable in their own skin.  To feel accepted/loved/cherished as their TRUE self.

So for Chaz to go on DWTS with all he has already gone through to just feel at home with himself to now take it a step further and have enough strength/love/compassion for all of america to see him.  REALLY him I applaud. This is no stunt. This is his life. This is HIM.

I have for a long time thought we are only going to be able to heal/educate individuals by showing love to them and Chaz YOU ARE DOING IT!

So while I have wanted to unfriend many a individual on facebook/twitter/bus/store/etc for their negative/uneducated comments I am going to try and take Chaz's example and take the high road instead of slapping/shaming which honestly is my first instinct.

Please remember when you are talking about someone that they are a HUMAN, that they are someones CHILD, that they have the same emotions/insecurities/needs as you do.  Just because they have a "label" doesn't mean they are no longer allowed dignity or respect.

Also if you feel that you need more information about this subject PLEASE reach out to me.  I am not perfect, I still fumble over my words and don't know all the answers but I do know how to find people who do and I won't judge.  I promise.

I look forward to the day when everyone has an equal place in our society.  Everyday a bit closer.

Lacy

The plight of Women.

WOMEN OF THE WORLD: TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

and drink a big glass of wine.

and freaking pat yourself on the back.

Seriously.

I am soooo tired watching the awesome women I know beat themselves up over not "meeting up" to some sick, unrealistic standard society has set for us....

Not a size 2 eh?

Don't have a perfectly clean house?

Put your career in the back seat for your family?

Didn't put your career in the back seat?

Didn't want kids?

Have them and now wonder if you really want them?

Hate being a hostess or cooking?

Wouldn't know fashion if it smacked you in the head?

Sometimes feel like smacking your partner/kids/pets/self?

Guess what....

WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE!

I have wasted so much time feeling guilt over choices I have made that I am done doing it.

I also realized that I am probably not the only one...

So why not spent that minute instead focusing on what is going well?

You have breath.

You live in a place where you can take control of your life...don't like something? change it!

You have adorable kids/pugs/partner/houseplant/friends/self/whatever who would rather just sit with you than do anything else......

YOU CAN'T BUY THAT SHIT.

I think the first step is to start trusting in the sisterhood and give each other a freaking break.  No more judging, and no more hiding.  We all got crap.  OWN IT and ask for help, a hand or a drink.

At the end of the day beating yourself up & wishing for at least 8 more hours each day ain't gonna help.  What will help is to start realizing how unrealistic it all is and give society a big middle finger.

To Owning what we got and appreciating it!

Lacy

Wanderlust.

I have a travelers soul.  I have tried to deny it but it has always been there...present.  At the age of 13 I announced to my family that I was going to Chile for a month for a missions trip.  I had made up my mind and my parents being wise beyond their years realized that this was something I had to do.  I went (with my father/body guard always present...ha) and from there on I knew what I was to do.

Travel.

Help.

Love.

I have had countless more trips to various 3rd world places that while the whole "mission" part significantly decreased my ability to help in other ways has significantly increased.  Every trip abroad has lead to life-long friends (love facebook for that), memories and lessons about myself that has helped me become strong and independent.

My last major trip was almost 3 years ago to work for a month in a non-profit in Ghana which helped support refugees.  This trip was different, it was my trip to prove to myself that I could do anything...even if that meant planning a trip half way around the world alone, showing up to do a job I knew nothing about and having no one within a 13 hour plane ride that could come safe/protect/help me if I needed it.

Seriously.

It was hard. It was amazing. It was everything.

Though as we get older and have bills, jobs, dogs, laundry, family requirements, etc taking off for 1-3 months at a time gets hard.

In another lifetime if I had never met the most obnoxious, self driven, computer nerd who also has a nice ass I would be out in the field working with traumatized kids or helping create structures/systems for individuals who have a disability in developing countries.  I do not need water, a toilet or even food to nourish my soul.  I need life. I need to be reminded of the resiliency of people and how lucky we are to get one more smile, one more day, one more breath.

My beau does not have the same calling.  He has not been exposed to sewer lines outside your window or bugs the size of your hand, he enjoys having 2 ac units on as we speak (...so do i....i will admit) and the thought of not having a shower everyday for his very structured self is unthinkable.

Though he sees my need. my longing.

He sees my soul.

Because of this he has agreed to venture out of his comfort zone and while we are not going as far out as I would usually it is enough for me.  More then enough actually.

We head to Northern Vietnam on 11.11.11 for roughly 16 days and he has left all the planning to me so right now there is an overnight train ride, maybe a home-stay or two, a 8 mile hike into a village where one of the hotels we are staying at helps support to tour their school....I am going to hopefully convince B to adopt a water buffalo there as well...ha. Also scheduling a tour with some local college students where hopefully we will see what supports they have for individuals who had disabilities...I am going to get as off the beaten bath as we can while still guaranteeing a shower and running water..(please note the lack of the word hot...oh man...).

It is crazy what feeds our soul...and as I get older I can recognize what is the difference between 'need' and added bonus and this trip is most def. 'need'.  I don't know if I am getting more selfish as I age but maybe I can just cherish it more?  can realize how quickly it could all end?  I have to dwell on this more and will let you know.

So instead of doing laundry, preparing for an hour long speech I have to give at the end of the month (what?!?!? shit..), cleaning up my dinner mess (hello cereal bowl..), or washing the dogs I am creating a to-do list for our trip, tripadvisor is my new best friend and also looking for a house sitter...(srsly...hook a sister up).

Lacy