blah & friendship

Had an epic day yesterday though feel still full.....!  While Easter is supposta be spent with your family B & I decided to-f-with tradition and just hosted something at our house.  I love hosting things but constantly feel "pressure" to keep up with others and honestly that pressure usually stops me from having people over or turns me into a raving bitch when preparing for events.  I will admit it: I am not a tidy person....seriously at any one time our house looks like a  hot mess and I cannot understand how people can keep their houses neat.  I covet others who let me into their homes when I stop by unannounced...knowing that this is one of my greatest fears because of dog hair, stray coke cans, and 10 pairs of shoes & sometimes socks laying in various parts of the house at any one time.  I know its stupid and that none of my friends care, that this "standard" is again something society places on us females.  Our worth measured by our housekeeping skills.
And while rationally I know it is total garbage the Idaho girl in me just can't shake that Betty Crocker image as the ideal....


So imagine how awesome it was to have loved ones over where we could laugh, break bread and whom I realized I loved enough to not worry about not completely wiped down cabinets or clean windows...it was fun to just be able to enjoy the moment. 

To stop for a second and feel loved & laughter.  

It is a feeling I carried over to today even though I am cramping and feel completely gross (I blame the 3 different pies and copious amounts of champagne...).  I so quickly get into that competitive mode with other people from anything to body images, window treatments, even if my garden is planted, and if I planted enough & everything in between....I blame society and it constantly telling us that we are not good enough without X, Y, Z item.....and while I have overcome many of my "issues" in the past years this is one major area I need to tackle...

I don't really have a game plan....except I just want to be able to be comfortable in my own skin, own what I got (and what I haven't) and enjoy where I am....so yes that is my new goal. 

I almost feel that this goal will get fulfilled as I live life a bit more yet I look forward to the day that dog hair, and coke cans aside when a friend stops by I let them in and don't worry that they will judge the lack of fancy serving ware or in style furniture.  That instead I will just feel thankful for that friendship. 

To realizing what really is important.
Lacy