Reflections/Rant

Today is my birthday which is always very odd to me.....mostly because for 364 days a year I have no concept of my actual age.....I think once you get past 21 the digits kinda blur (maybe because of the increased booze??).  I work with people much older than me (and always have), my friends vary in age from 12 to 93 and most are in their upper 50's.  To be 27 seems so minimal to where I feel I am in my life.

As woman we are supposta do so much with our lives and do it in a very specific order, which is mostly dictated by our biological clocks.  These days not only are we supposta be career woman, with degrees, success and titles BUT we are also supposta be mothers, lovers and homemakers.  I have this constant nagging feeling that I am not doing enough...yet how the hell are you supposta do it all???!!?

In so many areas of my life I feel successful.  I have a partner who both challenges me and yet also accepts me, a home that is more than I should be blessed with & a yard that could keep me busy for years, I have a job that I created for myself working for an agency that I not only believe in 100% but I get to see people's lives improve every single day.  I get thanked for doing my job, a job I actually love....how many people are lucky enough to have that??

I have a family that while not perfect always rallies to support, even when my progressive, very left values do not match up.  I still remember my father saying he was proud of me for all my work with planned parenthood....or when I broke up with my first adult love and not once did I hear a "I told you so" when they were moving me out...instead it was a hug and a threat to kick his ass :)

All of that seems so awesome yet society states that it is not enough....and sadly too many people in our society believe that bullshit hook, line and sinker.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times in the past week I have been encouraged to get married...or how many times my partner has been told to "make an honest woman out of her".....what does that even mean???  While always said in a loving manner I kinda want to say that I know everyday B makes a choice to be with me, that there is no piece of paper/contract/pressure to be with me...he CHOOSES...and how honest is that??? I do not take tomorrows for granted and while our relationship is not perfect I still get to make the choice of it is still worth it...and amazingly it has been.

While I am not someone who never wants to get married I do not understand this pressure to do so.  Sadly some of my friends are in awesome relationships but they minimize them because he hasn't popped the question yet...they even start questioning if "he is the one".  They forget to live and love in the moment, instead they focus on outside pressures that no one can measure up too.

 The plight of a woman.

It is so easy to get caught.  They have ads aimed at you (and we don't even have a tv.....hello sneaky facebook...).  They have whole magazines about it, and books.  Talk shows, and children's stories (don't even get me started on sleeping beauty...her whole life STARTS when he gives her his love...fuck that).....it is so engrained in us that by X amount of time we should have Y to show (or more like Y amount of carats).  I can't even begin to address how woman's bodies are portrayed, or how expensive clothing is sold to "make us feel better" (ala sex in the city)....It can be overwhelming, so minimizing and truly harmful if one gets caught up in it all...

All I know is that I love my life.  I love that at any point I could change it.  I am learning to stay in the moment and no matter if I am laughing or crying, to be genuine and not compare myself (and my accomplishments) to those of the fake/unattainable society.  I love that I was called (and sung to) by over 9 people on my cell, had more cards in my mailbox than it could hold and felt more love than anyone deserves.

I know that in this upcoming year there will be days full of crap, where I will take things for granted, or even get caught up in superficial ideals of happiness.  I hope to think back on this reflection and remember.  I hope to look back at this in a year and have built on my confidence, my ideals.  So here is to another year full of laughter, animals, traveling, loving, and learning.

Lacy