Thankful Wednesday!

Today I am thankful for:

-6 wonderful years with the love of my life: Lola.  Seriously we are part of the same soul and am glad we got paired up again this lifetime. 

-Neighbors who stop by with a freshly filled growler and then listen to you on your soap box.

-My chickens who provide food and laughter.

-Having health insurance again.

-Winning the supervisor "lottery". 

-My garlic shoots reminding me that spring is coming.....

-Dry Shampoo.

-A 3 day holiday weekend coming up where I get to hang out & relax with my family :)


Whatcha thankful for today?

Blessed.

Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed.

Like SUPER overwhelmed.


It this it was 8pm dinner had finally just been made, dishes still undone, the house was a mess, the dogs weren't fed (or walked mind you) and I still had a ton of work I wanted to do, a rented movie to watch that was due the day before sitting on the coffee table and well I kind of just imploded.

This lead to a whole discussion with my beau, via google chat because we were both under a work deadline (and honestly I think he has realized to give me space when I am processing), about women and how I feel pulled to "do everything" and while I know, rationally, that this is not possible I still attempt to do it for some reason and how I worry (even subconsciously) that I will sometimes "fail" as a woman. My plate already feels too full and yet there is so much more I want to do, to provide, to give, to create, to change

my beau wrote this in response:

Brent: 

 





  

 i would be happy if i was born into the most important role of society

How did I get so lucky?

Seriously.

Validation.

I have been dealing with a lot of validation issues recently....It seems that in most areas of my life I am looking to be validated in different ways...with different measurements.  And while the past few weeks has lead me to lamenting that I am not special/worthy/talented/appreciated because these measurements have not been promising, have not been to my standard.

The problem with this path is that you start to compare yourself to others, your life, your outcomes, your relationships, your future....and guess what?

It never measures up.

Because the people you are comparing yourself to are an image/a smoke screen: sometimes created on purpose and sometimes the image is fractured by ourselves to fit our needs.  There is no happy ending for this path, it is full of bumps and a downhill slope.  Yup life ain't fair and some people honestly do have parts of their life that is probably better then your own.

But then today.

today.

someone shook me up.

they reminded me that I am in charge.

I am the one creating the measurements.

The one in charge of the comparisons.

All I have to do change what I am comparing myself to.

How I measure being validated.

Money, Success, Fancy things are easy.

Happiness, Fulfillment, Joy, Love, Respect are the real measurements of a life.

shit breaks. shit gets old.

self-respect, self-pride can't be bought.

I am going to try to hold onto this lesson.

Turn that frown...

So I am in a piss poor mood...and the worst of it is I am totally to blame...which makes me in an even worse mood! I feel kind of ridiculous complaining and I completely realize that in the scheme of the world my problems are not much BUT seriously....

I might of stopped cleaning my house a couple of months ago...I mean I would pick up stuff and shove things places and what not but actually cleaning just went out the door and now as I feel this "must clean" energy pushing through me I am not only overwhelmed but wanting to just take a match and burn the whole place as that would be easier then actually getting all the scum off the ridiculously small subway tile ish walk in shower we have....SERIOUSLY.  As I was scrubbing each little square one by one until my arms ached I kept trying to change the old mind frame, here is some thoughts:

--Look at me working out and cleaning at the same time....isn't that great!! (note: the only thing I hate more then cleaning is working out so this was not effective)...

--Isn't it nice to do something where I can actually see my progress for once! (note: as I looked over and saw 40000000 more tiles to scrub individually this mantra was replaced by a four letter word that rhymes with duck..)

--Aren't I lucky to even have a shower?? (as I contemplated how horrible just having a hose outside would actually be...I mean honestly that might be refreshing..right??)

As I slowly but surely cleaned my 5 x 5 bathroom for over an hour and started to see the light at the end of the tunnel I had to leave to get the mop....this is when I realized that I had another 1200 square feet (thank god it isn't 2000 sq.) (<---oh look at that positive reframe! sweet jesus slowly but surely.) I just about had a freaking melt down.

The worst is that I have no one else to point the finger, to yell at, etc...except myself.  SOOOO in all things learning and not giving up I have now vowed to spend 15 minutes a day cleaning, not picking stuff up, not shoving things in closets and closing the door quickly, etc...but actual mop/vinegar/sponge/dusting floor boards cleaning.

I shall report back if this makes things easier or more manageable.

 Anyone have cleaning tips? Or how to keep a house clean?

Wish me luck.

Lacy

What I Know...

*Nothing tastes as good as something you have had a part in growing/preparing/preserving.

*The smell of babies & puppies is pretty much the best smell in the whole world.

*Surrounding yourself with people who are always willing to go on adventures is what life is all about.

*Men are great but there is NOTHING like some kick ass, confident, will tell you how it is even if you don't want to hear it, lady friends (also when they just let you cry and threaten to beat the bastard that too is nice)

*There will always be dishes in the sink.

*The St. Johns Bridge makes me want to grab life and hug it because I am so blessed to see such an amazing thing everyday.

*My house will never be clean.

*I can't raise a garden by seeds.

*Staying in bed an extra five minutes to cuddle with your loved one is worth rushing to work.

*A cat is a necessity.

*Me and Dolly Parton would be best friends in real life.

*I will never be described as a quiet person.

*Ab Fab makes me giddy.

*Hate never heals.

*My Christmas Cactus blooming is a hello/hug from my Grandma Freeman.

*Sometimes a girl just is in a piss poor mood and thats okay.

*Email will wait.

*Life will not.

*Red Rooster Sauce makes everything a little bit better...(so does Butter).

Halong Bay

We were picked up from the hotel in a nice van carrying 4 other people.  We drove for hours and took convenient rest stops in shops full of other white people and eventually arrived to Halong  Bay.  The Vietnamese are very proud that Halong Bay was just recognized as one of the “new” 7 wonders of the world and honestly it is easy to see why it is breathtaking.  We were sorted by our boat and quickly whisked away to our ship.  Brent and I can honestly say it was the most amazing and “posh” (a word I will start to now use thanks to my Aussie friends) experience we have ever had.  Our boat, or junk as they call them, was modeled after old Spanish Pirate ships, full of dark wood and extravagant details.  There were no tvs or phones for most of the trip and it was easy to forget that we had just left a city of over 6 million as there was not a sound or other boat insight.  We were on the boat with 18 other people and were blessed to like every one of them.  There was even a family from Eugene, what a small world! 

We spend the days kayaking  around the 1000 islands (well we didn’t get to them all..ha), eating 4 course meals and sitting with this feeling of total amazement that we were blessed to see such a site. Our crew were lovely and very friendly and even took us to a small fishing village where the residents all live together on the water.  Up until a couple of years ago the fishing people would all live separately but because of UNESCO stating the Bay was a heritage site and giving some funds to fixing it up they were able to build a primary school for the children and convince about 25 families to band together as a village for their children.  The mayor greeted us as we arrived and you could see there was a lot of pride that they had for their village and school.  We even were able to sample some of their local booze…wasn’t as bad as I thought and was pretty smooth going down, even if it came out of a old gas container!  

It was such a lovely time and almost surreal in the experience.  We just kept saying “can you believe we are here?!” as everything was above and beyond our highest expectations.  The last night on the ship our crew had created a bbq dinner in a cave, which was something I had been looking forward to!  They again did not disappoint, we took our small junk boat toward the cave and it was dark out and all we could see ahead was twinkling lights and our whole group was just silent taking everything in.  We had to climb about 90 stairs, which were all light by twinkling lights and at the entrance of the cave was hundreds of tea lights (and a few strategically placed spot lights) lighting up the two room cave.  Everyone had dressed up a bit and our whole crew was there to welcome us.  Our table sat in the middle and we feasted on an some amazing just cooked via fire seafood.  As I sipped our wine and everyone was aglow in candlelight it almost felt a bit like a dream it was so perfect.  Our chef had even prepared amazingly done food art for each course and it was pretty humbling seeing how much effort they had all made to make sure the experience was memorable. Our guide shared with us the story of the Bay and how the pirates were coming to attack the Vietnamese people and as they cried out for help a dragon came down from the sky and fired out pearls from her mouth.  These pearls turned into thousands of limestone islands which caused the fast moving pirate ships to crash and perish.  He said it with such gusto and show it was easy to believe that this was possible.  At the end of the dinner our captain made a couple of speeches about how thankful they were for us coming and the crew proceeded to sing some Vietnamese folk songs.  After that a group of woman in our group, mostly from New Zealand serenaded them back and I know I was not the only one that felt truly blessed.  As we pulled away from the island and back onto our boat it really hit me how lucky I am to experience this site because as the word spreads I am sure that being able to look out for miles and only see one other junk and a few local fishing boats will not be the case.  Though we will sure treasure our three days there. 

Organized Chaos.

Vietnam is full of organized chaos.  When you first arrive it seems that everywhere you look is chaos, the traffic, the stalls serving pho, the millions of people milling about though the longer you are here you realize that instead of chaos it is instead more like a dance.  You start to see the give and take of the mopeds, the people, the stalls, that the small amount of chaos adds a bit of danger, of excitement, of life.  This dance is what makes Hanoi so intoxicating and addicting.  Each time you cross the street or walk into the markets you become of something larger,you become part of the dance, the sway, the caress, the rush.  I have traveled a bit and have never experienced such a thing.  We find ourselves captivated by watching it in all things and of drawing deep breaths and laughing by the thrill of it all.  It is quite lovely and I wish we could stay for much much longer.

The Hair Cut

Brent’s hair was at an all time new long and while he kept saying he was gonna get a haircut but it just did not happen before we left.  So one night we were wondering around the “39 streets” of Old Quarter looking for a barber and all we could find was a very “local” ladies hair salon.  It was about 9pm and in we walked to their little stall full of hair products and various styling tools.  I pointed to Brent said “short” while holding my fingers close together and said “cut?” and they grabbed him and started working away.  Brent was pretty nervous and kept saying “I don’t know about this Lace”…and it was pretty touch and go for a bit as they wanted him to be a bit more stylish then he was prepared and while they thinned, texturized and tried to spike away Brent was able to show what he wanted by using hand signs and nods.  We were there for over an hour and all the ladies around us acted like they had a very white lady and gentlemen everyday getting their hair cut.  As Brent’s hair was almost done many of the ladies repeated “handsome” with a big smile and a pat on the back for me and the stylist asked for my approval on his hair cut and style, which I appreciated.  They charged us an arm and a leg (10 bucks)but sent us off with goodbyes and a much more handsome beau for myself ;)  

The next morning we took a day tour out of Hanoi to visit Dinh Tien Hoang Temple.  It was built in the 11^th century and we were very thankful for our student guides as we were able to see a lot of the symbolism in the Temple.  It was quite lovely and had big manicured garden beds throughout.  The interesting things about the temples as they usually have three layers, either within the gardens or the number of actual buildings and the farther in the temple grounds you go the higher you must step up, pretty significantly, to go into the building.  We were told that this is so that when you pass through each layer your mind should become more and more focused and clear.  The final passage into the building they make it high so that you notice that you step up and are on higher ground and your mind should be clear.  I hope I am remembering this right….anyhoo it is quite unique.  We also visited Tam Coc (three caves) and took a small boat with just our driver and us around the Ngo Dong River.  It is quite fun and our guide paddled with his feet!  (I have photos which I will add of this)  You end up going under some pretty low “caves” and popping out the other side.  It was pretty interesting as we were able to witness quite closely the local people fishing and catching fish and frogs. The drivers all were lively and full of laughter.  I bet they were making fun of us or what not but their infectious attitude had us grinning even though we had idea what they were saying or joking about.

 

After the boat trip we hopped on some bikes and biked to the Bich Dong Pagoda.  It was amazing.  Carved into the mountain in the early 15^th century it has quite some intense steps up!  We were huffing and puffing…the VERY humbling thing is though as were coming down 2 old ladies (at least in their 70’s if not  80’s and not an inch over 4 ft each) were hauling bag of concrete up!  Brent and I vowed to visit the gym MUCH more often…..oy.  It was quite a lovely pagoda as there are shrines and Buddhas’ hidden into the mountain and it feels very Indiana Jones’ish when you “discovered” a small shrine or carving.  We biked back to our bus swigged a Hanoi Beer and rushed back on the bus and Hanoi.