Burning both ends of the candle...

Sooooooo I thought being unemployed would be awesome, laying around eating bonbons & making homemade preserves....BUT I have actually been more busy "unemployed" than employed!  I know it is a blessing of a problem but it is starting to wear me down.

The problem is that I have no concrete plan in place so instead of focusing all my efforts on one thing I have been focusing on three major (and complete separate) things...All three would be very different life paths, and they all have very unique benefits & negatives.  The awesome thing is that all the options are starting to really pick up and while none of them are entirely full-time yet having three part-timeish jobs= a very busy gal.  On top of that I am not used to being a "kept" woman...I HATE that my partner now has the burden of paying for stuff and while we are super lucky he can do that I have always paid my own way and in a way to overcompensate for feeling guilty I have taken on ALL household chores x 3!  I somehow think if I clean enough, or cook enough than I will feel less guilty and that somehow I am contributing to our household (I know I am, just doesn't feel like it).

I am keeping an open mind, doing stuff day by day and trying to focus on my successes (landing another contract today! And someone told me they had heard of our agency!) instead of my undecided future.  This is the first time in my life that I don't have a clear plan or goal and it is hard to be on that "growing edge".  It has really opened my eyes to how amazing my loved ones are!  Brent has been uber awesome, last night he told me to really put all my effort in starting my own business.  He told me he supports me a 100% and he can see how much happier I am when I do it and that is what he wants.  God I am lucky..right?!!? My family and friends have been equally awesome, taking my calls 2-3 times a day when I share every success, worry (or boredom).....

I guess I am just going to keep going, doing what feels good and really learning to live in the day.  I am going to count my blessings that most nights I go to bed exhausted, it doesn't get much better.

Lacy